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Bouldin Law Firm
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Am I Ready for Divorce?

As a practicing divorce attorney in Northern Kentucky for over 20 years, I have seen a number of people facing the decision of whether to divorce, file or seek other alternatives.  If you are unsure, there is an increase likelihood of either a protracted divorce or a divorce in which one party bows out of the process and simply gives in.  Couples facing the possibility of a divorce often face one of these three dilemmas:

  1. I want the divorce but I am not sure if it is the right decision. Since going through a divorce impacts the lives of your children as well as your lifestyle, economics, and marital investment, the pressure to make the "perfectly correct" decision is enormous. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees. The best case scenario is to make a decision that is not emotionally based or driven by your ego.
  2. I do not want the divorce but my spouse does. Being in this reactive place will leave you feeling out of control and helpless. You will experience intense emotional devastation as your life will be changing before your eyes without you having any say in the outcome. In addressing this dilemma, you need to ask yourself if you are clinging to familiar, safe ground and to a marriage based on illusions. It is not easy to acknowledge and confront the problems in a marriage, especially when you are feeling so hurt by your partner.
  3. I only want this divorce because my marriage is not working. If this is your dilemma, then you will want to avoid responsibility at all costs by blaming your partner for the demise of the marriage. There will be tremendous preoccupation and anger about how your partner caused you to make this decision. The amount of noise generated from this blaming will be in direct proportion to your unwillingness to risk expressing any of your own fears and sadness. If this doesn't occur, the divorce proceedings to follow will be riddled with tension and conflict as well as a continuation of the blaming.

The common element in all three dilemmas is fear. Victims of the first dilemma fear making a mistake. Victims of the second dilemma fear their own attachment to the familiar. The third group of victims fear accountability and softness. All three result in divorces that are combative and drag on and on, sometimes for years on end. If you are contemplating a divorce, speak to a divorce attorney about your rights, options and fears.  If you wish to discuss and consult with an attorney for an honest assessment, contact my office to schedule.  Call the Bouldin Law Firm at 859-581-6453 or email at mwbouldin2@gmail.com.

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